


Imagine if

by herr_wan



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: And it's bad, Angst, Byleth remembers all the routes she took, F/F, Female My Unit | Byleth, Hurt No Comfort, Just Byleth's thoughts, No spoilers of Claude's route, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-09
Updated: 2020-09-09
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:13:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26378623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/herr_wan/pseuds/herr_wan
Summary: "Imagine if Byleth remembers. Imagine if each time you talk to her in the corridors, all she can hear is you begging and all she can see is the spear piercing your heart. Imagine if maybe. Maybe. That is why it's so very hard for her to smile. And why maybe it's easier without. Imagine if you didn't invent the ghosts in her eyes. I can’t stop. "This is me, imagining how Byleth felt throughout the routes i made her take if she could remember all of it. This is just a very desperate Byleth, choosing Claude because she can't bear to choose between Edelgard or Dimitri again. Heavy Angst and beautiful words (i hope).
Relationships: Edelgard von Hresvelg/My Unit | Byleth
Comments: 2
Kudos: 19





	Imagine if

**Author's Note:**

> As i said in the summary, this is going to be very subjective because the concept is Byleth going through the routes I took (so Dimitri, then Edelgard, then the church route and then i'm playing through Claude right now, i'm at the beginning). It just breaks my heart to imagine her remembering everything and feeling just crushed because she has to choose between her students. And i just needed to write some Edelgard - Byleth in it because those two are just soulmates at this point in my opinion. 
> 
> I had ranted about this to my friends one day and couldn't sleep two days ago because this text was forming in my head so i just wrote it all in the middle of the night. 
> 
> I also don't really write in English normally (the only other thing i posted here is in French) so this is all new for me and i hope you'll like it (also if you see mistakes feel free to tell me!). So sorry in advance for the hurt because once again this is very very full of angst. But i mean the game is very angsty itself.

Rhea asks. For the third time. And Byleth remembers. Almost fondly. How confused she was. Overwhelmed by so many faces. Children she didn't know but seemed all so enthusiastic, in their way. So many stories to learn. Almost fondly. Because then Byleth remembers. The second time. What felt like the end and a beginning. Hope, guilt, restlessness and melancholy all mixed up together. The third time, though, her answer is full of only bitterness and regret. The third time is neither and end nor a beginning. It feels like a prison. Like trying to escape but drowning nonetheless.

She chooses Claude. And is instantly crushed under an unbearable feeling of guilt. But she can't. She can't choose them anymore. She can't bear to save one only to abandon the other. She tried. She tried so bad. She betrayed the love of her life in order to. Maybe. This one time. Save all of them. She betrayed her and then had to yield her sword on her. Two times she had to watch her die. Once by her hand. She still wakes up screaming, images of her corpse dancing on her pupil. And then she sobs throuhought long long nights. Remembering that one, beautiful beautiful time. Where they ruled together. Where they chose each other. Like they were always supposed to. She sobs happy and painful tears.

She remembers, Byleth, when Rhea asked the other question, later. Asked of her to kill. The answer came so easy. It was so, so easy to choose Edelgard, to put down her sword and escape. To be free of this joke of a church.

She had to see Dimitri die, this time though. She had to see him go mad, consumed by his guilt. By bloody ghosts of the past. She couldn't help this time. Couldn't hold his hand and tell him all that he deserved and could want. Could only watch two people. Once friends. Destroy each other.

Rhea asks and Byleth wants to spit in her face. Wants to say that she chooses them all. That she chooses none. That she doesn't want the job. To train children to slaughter. Doesn't want it if it means only for them to murder each other. It's never the same that dies. But she can hear each of their screams. Screams ricocheting in her head and crushing her skull into pieces.

So is it okay if this one time she wants to not watch one of them die? If she has to do this terrible foolish show again, is it not understandable that she wants to choose a less bloody path? It's not. Because if the blood is not on her hands, it's still dripping somewhere. If Edelgard has to kill and be killed. If she has to die, her eyes haunted but so so strong, then it should be by her hands. No one else's. She shall see Edie's blood on her hand dripping between her fingers forever and hold that pain in her bleeding heart. But she will not let Dimitri be the one to do it. If Edelgard can't survive, then he shall go and try. To be happy. Without this one more ghost. Without this one more death.

She could choose Edelgard again. She would. If you asked her, everytime. It would be Edie. If only to watch Rhea burn. If only because she was meant to be the most brilliant queen. But mostly because of the love burning her skin. But then Dimitri dies. And it feels like the worst failure. Byleth watches Edelgard smile while everything shatters around them. Dimitri dies when she chooses Edie. How could she not. But how could she ? It feels so selfish. So she chooses Claude. Only to try and escape that nightmare. And somehow this, too, is selfish. She stills kills Lonato but she doesn't have to hear Ashe screams. She still kills Miklan but Sylvain doesn't have to be there. Edelgard still bears the weight of the world on her shoulders. She tries and fails not to think about that.

She could choose Rhea again. And feel the burning satisfaction to kill her. She could rule. And live to make Edie's vision become reality. She could watch her students kill each other from a distance as she becomes the main character of a story that was never meant for her. She could, again, be the one to kill her so no one else can. She could live haunted by Dimitri's ghost and crushed by loneliness. But this route, she will never take it again. Each step she would feel the burning hope that once she had. Of saving both. Each step she would feel the shards of this shattered feeling of maybe in her skin. All of this for what ? To satisfy her vengeance ? No. No. She chooses Claude. She chooses a bit of calm inside the chaos. She knows hoping to be foolish. The million shards are here to remind her. That maybe this time he too will die and it will be another scream to add to an already crowded library. But what else really. She can't repeat any of it. Not for real. But what else really. What else than this shallow hope that she can barely feel. When maybe ?

Imagine if Byleth remembers. Imagine if each time you talk to her in the corridors, all she can hear is you begging and all she can see is the spear piercing your heart. Imagine if maybe. Maybe. That is why it's so very hard for her to smile. And why maybe it's easier without. Imagine if you didn't invent the ghosts in her eyes. I can’t stop.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay! Hope you are still alive! Sorry for making you suffering with me but really this is haunting me, i needed to write it! But if you liked it, i would be so happy if you left a kudo or a comment, i would love to answer any comment you leave me!!!


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